I always admire swimmers. Not the swimmers you are thinking about you pervs….im talking about the people who get into the water, take a deep breath and swim or stay underwater for a while. They then get the strength to go up for water. He didn’t get the chance to breath. He was always underwater. Struggling to go up for water but too tired to fight to stay afloat.
When I met him, he was the only guy overdressed. His shoes and watched looked they cost my whole year’s rent. He was staring at the glass in front of him and he hadn’t even taken a sip from it. I loved drinking whiskey and from the looks of it, he was drinking something worth a mini cooper.
I sat next to him and he barely glanced at me. I was dressed in a sexy L.B.D (Little Black Dress). The kind of dress that got me drinks all night. I didn’t even have to whip my hair or dance all I had to was just sit there.
“My place or yours?” I heard his velvet voice rumble. I had never heard a voice so smooth. Id pay to listen to him every night. “yours.” I replied and slid off my stool to let my girls know I was leaving. He guided me to his SUV by my lower back that sent chills through my skin.
I enjoyed my night. It was like nothing I had experienced before. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to soothe away my pain or if I was soothing his. I was overwhelmed with the intensity and too much intensity when he looked into my eyes. I couldn’t breathe around him and now, I was crying. He hadn’t said a word since we got to his place. He rocked me in his arms and I fell asleep.
In the middle of the night, I heard someone scream. My handsome man was screaming in his dreams. He looked tortured. He looked so scared and vulnerable. I woke him up afraid of seeing him like that. He ran to bathroom and threw up and I heard him sobbing. I had never seen anyone so sad and tortured.
We went back to bed and I cuddled next to him. I knew how he felt, I had just never seen anyone like that. I asked him if I could get him anything and all he wanted to do was sit with me and watch cartoons.
“I’m drowning. I can’t tell you how I’m still around, but I can’t breathe. I can’t feel a thing. Im just numb. I need to feel. I need to feel something. Pain, love, pleasure….just something. I am in so much pain and even in my sleep my soul still pains. Pain haunts me everywhere. In my dreams, during the day. I still can’t run enough from my pain.
I am always too tired to fight anything or anyone because I am fighting my mind.
I want to stop fighting. I need to stop that pain. I need to feel. I need to love. To live. I don’t have a lot of hope right now. You cannot have hope when you can’t see the light. When you can’t see a tunnel or canal. All I can do is just sit in this water and wait. Wait for some miracle to happen.
Liveboxke 